Life on the Learning Curve
I've just returned from my 2009 sabbatical desert journey - a time of reflection, peace, centeredness. A time to find Me. (How is it that I keep getting lost?)
I learn so much just by observing the world that is around me at any given moment. It's all one big metaphor. This time it was trash that got me to thinking. I came to realize that the way I treat the earth is the way I treat you, and myself, too. What an interesting observation.
The Fine Art of Looking Back
What is it about the human need to leave a mark on the world? Sometimes it is harmless. Sometimes it is even useful. Most of the time this desire to leave a mark improves the world in some way. Maybe it directly impacts humankind as in ministry and other humanitarian efforts. Sometimes it raises global consciousness as with political activists or spiritual teachers. Often the impact is more indirect as in the creation of great architecture or brilliantly designed roads, or the expressions of art and music. Yay for those positive expressions.
Out in the open spaces however, when a mark is left it's beer cans and shotgun shells or graffiti painted on a rock or carved into a tree. The drive to leave the mark is the same. The impact is different. Big dreams. No dreams. The high road. The low road. More and more it seems people live life as they want without much thought or concern for what they leave behind - whether it's on the homefront or in the wild places. It's all the same. Whether it's dishes left in the sink or old tires, broken whatever that they don't want to lug home, or dog poop in a little plastic bag… left for… the poop fairy, perhaps?? Maybe we've always had this level of disregard but now there are just more of us.
Relationship with Self, Others and the Planet
It is true that everywhere you go there you are. The way you treat the planet is a reflection of the way you treat others… and yourself. I have been shocked at just how true this is as I've reviewed some of my own significant relationships. One guy was into shoplifting. He couldn't come back from his favorite store without something he didn't buy. Once I got into a more committed relationship with him he continually stole from me also. What was his was his and what was mine was also his. Whether it was my food, my time, or my body. Yikes.
People are powerful. We impact the planet; we impact each other. If you've ever seen someone carrying skis on their shoulder through a crowd, bopping people left and right completely oblivious to the damage in their wake, you know how important looking back can be. It is in relationship with others that we are required to look behind. "Hey, come back here! Look what you did." Our behavior has consequences – whether we are aware of what they might be...or not. For the most part we've forgotten that, or think we will somehow be exempt from the repercussions. Looking back is an art – life's great improvement plan. As we develop that skill into an art form everything around us will improve - from our health to our relationships to foreign relations, and yes, to the planet.
- Who is impacted when you lash out in anger? Look back to see.
- Who cleans up after you? Look behind you.
- Who are you letting off the hook when you do more than your share? How is that working out - for either of you?
- What does your body feel like when you eat that third piece of cake? Check in.
- What happens for your kids when you are on your 70th hour in a workweek?
- Who picks up your trash along the way? Why would you expect them to?
- Who pays the prices? Looking back is the only way to know.
I'm amazed at how many people come to divorce recovery class as the result of an affair. I imagine that having that affair seemed like a good idea at the time. But choices have consequences. Who, after seeing the impact of such a choice on family and friends, would choose that path again? Somehow the way we imagine it is never as intense and heart wrenching as it becomes in actuality.
Looking behind can also help us plan for a future. Looking behind before stepping into a particular act is the art form. Yes, The Fine Art of Looking Back. How big are the prices that either you or others might pay if you make a choice you are currently considering? Is it worth that price? Sometimes it is. Often it is not.
After filling up the third garbage bag with trash flung into the canyons and the desert I realized I was the one paying the prices for others' thoughtlessness. Though maddening, I guess it was worth it. If I didn't pick it up we would all pay the prices by having to continue to look at it, its harm to wild creatures, etc. I am however, not so quick to clean up after my fellow man on a daily basis. :-)
We learn from the journey by looking behind, and looking around, and taking those lessons into (hopefully) a better future.
A fine example of looking behind even while looking ahead is this fabulous little YouTube video called "Lost Generation." It's less than 2 minutes in length. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA.
If you are in relationship with someone significant you can learn a lot about him or her by how s/he treats others, and yes, even the planet. What is the level of his or her care? Is s/he rude? Impatient? Entitled? Self-centered? Caring? Self-sacrificing? Humble? Attentive? One of the keys to successful dating is to be with a person long enough to see him or her as s/he truly is, and not just a projected version of his or her best self.
What Mark Do You Want to Leave?
I believe that everyone comes to planet Earth with an inborn drive, along with the gifts and talents required, to improve the place in some way. Some will get about the business of doing it, others will not. Life's greatest heartbreak is to come here and leave again having missed the opportunity to make a positive difference. Some people inherently know that they are missing their opportunity, resulting in feelings of worthlessness, depressions and addictions in their attempts to assuage those feelings. Geez I 
hope that doesn't happen to you. I love the title of the book, "I Will Not Die an Unlived Life." Yes, dammit. Life is to be lived… don't leave here without doing so. Let your mark be one that counts.
I used to think of life as a sort of dress rehearsal. I would do everything and be anything others wanted me to with the hope that one day I would get to live the life I wanted. Then I woke up. I realized that I have one life to live and to give. There are no do-overs. It's time to wake up, look behind and learn from the journey, and live out loud as we move toward making our intended impact on the planet.
Here's to the positive impact!
From the Bookshelf
I Will Not Die and Unlived Life
by Dawna Markova
Although written in memoir form delving into her personal journey, the title well-describes the content. The book stems from this poem also written by Markova:
I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear of falling
or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.