Your Dreams. What's Stopping You?

5 things that get in the way of your dreams and how to get around them

The secret to creating a new future is to develop a vision of that future that is so large and exciting that you are compelled, possibly even driven, to make it a reality. First the dream; then the reality. A corollary to having a compelling vision is having a vivid sense of what your life will be like if you don't create your desired future. Barring unforeseen circumstances you will still be living your life 5 years from now. Do you want your life to look the same in 5 years as it does today? You get to decide what your future looks like… the same, or different, and if different, in what ways?

Sometimes, even when we know what we want we don't know where to begin to actually create it. It all seems so confusing and overwhelming. In the last Design Your Life newsletter we talked about the two facets to creating a compelling life and a future worth having.  This issue we'll talk about the things that get in the way.

There are some very specific things that are common to all of us that get in the way of creating that compelling future. Once we know what they are it is easier to navigate around them. Following are some Do's, and Don'ts, and Action steps you can take to maneuver around these potential stumbling blocks.

1) The Past

DON'T minimize the past by trying to pretend it never happened. It did happen. And it happened as it did for a reason.
DO a post-mortem on your past in order to learn from it. What worked? What didn't? If you're still completing events in your past, allow the necessary time to grieve them. There's no getting around that important step.
ACTION: Make a conscious choice about what does and does not make it into your new future. You can do this easily by dividing a paper into two columns and titling them 'Bring Forward' and 'Leave Behind.' Acknowleding these things on a particular date, like the date your divorce is final, or your birthday, or New Year's Day, is especially poignant. I have a special ceremony I do with clients around this kind of exercise that is quite powerful.

2) Non-supportive Friends

DON'T align with people who can't or won't support the new you. Some people will be uncomfortable with the new you and be frightened or even aggressive toward the changes you desire to make. You don't need that.
DO choose friends who are playing the same kind of bigger game that you want to play; people who will call you forth and not let you settle for less than what you say you want – whether it's a relationship with your kids, a new job, or a new romantic partner.
ACTION: Analyze your current friendships. How do you define the word 'friend?' Who needs to be 'promoted' from acquaintance to friend? How might that happen? Who needs to be demoted from friend to acquaintance? Who do you need to let fade away entirely? If your network of friends still doesn't look like what you'd like it to, what can you do about it? (HINT: Nothing is the wrong answer!)

3). Bad Relational Dynamics (romantic or otherwise)

DON'T emotionally invest in people who need fixing or rescuing, who have weird entanglements (social, relational, monetary, and the like) or who aren't true to themselves. Trust your gut.
DO realize that your time and emotional energy are finite. If your time and energy are being gobbled up by a bad relationship you won't have any left to create something better.
ACTION: Ask yourself:

• Who do I tend to give my power to? Listen to? Give validity to?
  

• What kind of people am I attracted to? Why?
  

• What do I need in order to trust my own inner wisdom?

4) Lack of Resources

DON'T let the fact that you don't know how to do 'it' stop you. Will 'not knowing' really be a satisfactory reason for living the same life you're living today, five years from now?
DO be honest with yourself about what you don't know.
ACTION: Knowing that all you need to do is to take the next step, however small it may seem, ask yourself:

• What do I need to learn, know, or experience in order to move ahead?

• Who can I ask to mentor me that has experience with this next step I want to take?
  

• Which books, workshops, classes, or other resources can help me move toward my goal even in a small way?
  

5) The Inner Critic

DON'T give your Inner Critic more power than it deserves by thinking of it as some authority who knows what is best for you. It's not your Higher Self. It's not God. It's not your Mother, coach, pastor, or driver's ed teacher. It's just a weenie little voice that wants an audience.
DO recognize that your Critic wants to keep you safe. It's just really bad at how it does its job. It doesn't want you to wear the wrong thing or say something stupid, or heaven forbid take any risks that could, maybe, just possibly, turn our poorly. Nope. That Inner Critic is status quo all the way.
ACTION: The simplest way to work with the Inner Critic is to know that it is not you. It is separate from you. It's tricky because it speaks in first person rather than third. It doesn't say, "You suck." It says, "I suck." It still isn't you. A simple but effective response is to say, "Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your perspective. But I am going to choose to believe what I want about myself."

On Your Way

These five steps don't constitute every single stumbling block that will pop up as you set out to create your new future, but they are the most common. Five simple things to watch out for and you're well on your way to stepping into that new future.