What You Will Learn

The feelings that surface at the end of a relationship can be unbearable.

• The confusion and the chaos are overwhelming
• The feelings of loss and anger are consuming
• The kids are afraid, you're afraid
• You're juggling more than you ever thought possible
• You're exhausted
• The emotions are affecting your health and ability to function at work
• You can't think straight when you need to make those important decisions
• Your main support person has now turned into your adversary

Where do you start to rebuild your life?

The live Transformational Divorce Seminar was created specifically to address and heal the key areas mentioned above ... to get you through your divorce and back into the normalcy of life. It may not be the only remedy that you need, but it's a best first move.

Following is a brief overview of each of the topics presented through the ten-week period. The learning from these topics, along with the class material, and the interactions with others in the class will help you learn how to do different, so you can have different. Usually if life isn't working in one area (like marriage) it bleeds over into other life areas as well. The things you learn in class will help you function differently in so many important areas of your life.

Program Session Topics

Session One: Overview

If it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t hurt. But it does matter. You may come into this session feeling lonely, hurt, afraid, angry or a combination of all of them. These are normal feelings of divorce, and you will soon learn that you are not alone. In this session you will hear an overview of the class and how each of the building blocks contribute to your healing and growth. As the evening progresses you will get to know some of the other participants as well as the volunteer staff and the facilitator who will be with you on your journey. This is a very gentle night of connecting with others who hurt in the same ways that you do.

Session Two: Why did you choose the partner you did?

As children we learn many adaptive behaviors — both good and not so good. They help us survive and manage our young worlds. As adults we bring these adaptive behaviors into our relationships with mixed results. On this night we will explore some of those behaviors and begin to explore what is appropriate now. You will take the Fisher Divorce Adjustment Test, and also begin connecting with other class participants for support and encouragement.

Session Three: Grief

Saying goodbye is difficult. On this night you will explore various losses that come along with the end of an important relationship. Grieving your losses is the single most effective thing you can do to move forward. You will participate in a powerful exercise that will help you let go and move on. Grief night is considered by many to be the most difficult but also the most powerful night of the class.

Session Four: Anger

Anger and grief are two sides of the same coin. If you’ve had difficult accessing your feelings of loss, perhaps it is because you have unacknowledged, unexpressed, or unknown anger. Learn the difference between good and bad anger, and ways to deal with your anger in positive and non-destructive ways.

Session Five: Transformation

This is the mid-way point through the class. By this night’s class you’ve done a lot of the personal work to let go and are ready to begin designing the new you. This class looks at the developmental stages we go through on our way toward becoming an adult — the cocoon stage, the self-definition stage and the maturity/self acceptance stage. You will take a look at your different relationships — parents, siblings, work, love, and the poignant times you’ve spent in each stage and how those stages have influenced your choices.

Session Six: Hiding from Love

This week we take a look at the masks you wear to hide your authentic self from others. These masks are often carefully chosen. There are both internal masks, and external masks, and at first glance they seem necessary, the problem is that these masks ultimately shield you from the very love you desire. This is a night to take a look at what you don’t know that you don’t know about yourself that may be keeping you stuck. Learn to take off masks that are keeping you from connecting with others.

Session Seven: Renewed Self-Worth

Tonight provides a unique opportunity to both give and receive compliments with fellow classmates. This is a night of big change as your fellow classmates, who have by now become friends, speak from the heart about who they know you to be and what they appreciate about you. The end of your relationship may have damaged your self-worth, but there’s still a lot of love out there, you will experience a good bit of it this night.

Session Eight: Love and Relationships

The love you have to give others is directly proportional to the love you give yourself. Self-love is not selfish; it is vital to your well-being. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself. This night explores the characteristics and behaviors we look for in a love partner and the importance of finding those characteristics inside yourself first. You will learn to love yourself at a core level despite behaving in ways that you don’t understand or are ashamed of.

We will also talk about dating. What are the rules and expectations in today's world? How can you best prepare yourself? Dating can provide a place to practice the new ways of relating that you have been learning. We will talk about the importance of growing relationships and the differences between recreational dating and long-term dating.

Read one participant's definition of Romantic Love after week 8 of his Seminar.

Session Nine: Sexuality

You’ve learned a lot in 8 short weeks. Even though the thought of being in a sexual relationship again might be downright frightening (which may not be all bad, actually) it is important to consider. This session of class gives you an opportunity to explore dating and sexuality from a renewed perspective. The unique format of a male/female panel discussion provides opportunity to ask important questions and explore your values around sexual responsibility. You will also be instructed to take the Fisher Divorce Assessment for the final time so you will be able to see how far you’ve come in growth and recovery.

Session Ten: Purpose and Freedom

Take a glimpse from the top of the divorce mountain you just climbed. You've just completed one heck of a journey. Who are you today? Many people at this point in the class are experiencing true freedom for the first time in their lives. What does real freedom look like? This night closes with a special ceremony to honor all the hard work you’ve done, and the person you have become.

 

 

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